you know, being sad is very tiring.

VERY.

and I haven't gone through a day this tiring as today for a long time.

A day where

-I woke up to find my sweet dream just a lie.

-a Facebook conversation killed my hope.

-a phone call from someone I was fond of took away my smile.

-I began to accept and forgive the people who lies.

-I didn't look while crossing the road, and yet still alive I am.

-the white guitar that I've always wanted has gone.

-I arrived late at work,cold and numb.

-I was unable to feel hunger.

-tears was all could speak my mind.

-I realize people at work has became my family.

-everyone could feel my gloom.

-cute kids can no longer cheer me up.

-I was quiet and thinking.

-I was unable to smile from the heart.

-I realize that I still have feelings.

-I fail to pretend like I didn't care.

Everyone was nice today.

the brother of the shop-manager said funny things to make us laugh.

the mother of the manager kept smiling and talking to me.

the manager asked if I was okay and was willing to serve the customers instead and gave me some time for myself.

my friend SuiLin tried her best to bring that smile back on my face.

I know she tried hard.

She didn't wanna give up talking to me even when I almost ignored her totally.

She knows that those tears were words I didn't pronounce.

She knows the journey I've gone through, the feelings I once had,

and the fears I now face.

I thank God for her today, because she understands how much it means to lend a shoulder when a friend is in need.

Thanks SuiLin.

you're a good sister.

P/S: Happy Belated Birthday to us.

<3

*I have not and never will intend to hurt or lose anyone in my life.I am sorry.*

I think I'm a lil lost.

lately I began to care about certain things that I shouldn't give a damn about.

Everything about this one friend of mine is so..familiar.

my brain has warned me to not give in to this familiarity.

but my heart did.

this friend brought back the one person that has passed me by,

whom I have loved.

I long to learn how to ever love again, I really do.

but how am I supposed to tune myself to the lies?

many times I wish it was real.

I wish I was different.

but I do know that I am not.

maybe I just missed being loved?

things that are happening now,

I can see that history is repeating itself.

Well, not exactly. I will  not allow myself to cry everyday for another three years.

NOT ANYMORE.

I keep reminding myself that now I can even let s2 fade,

what else will I not be able to let go?

A friend named Alan sorta reminded me that life is too short to stay in sadness.

a part of me knows that its true.

but the reason I get hurt a lil too easily is because I take people seriously and I don't like to be played.

and again, who does?

The moment I changed towards a person is when I know that this game isn't going anywhere.

so why start something just to end it?

I am no toy and I hope you guys are aware of that.

If you really have to play, I suggest that you do it with the others.

because to me, my life aint a joke.

maybe I will miss some of the time spent talking rubbish and laughing,

but it is better than to get into a deeper hurt.

I can no longer afford to be emotionally wounded once again.

I.AM.TIRED.

*what are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?*

Maaaaaaan I've disappeared for a long time!

How's everyonee?

Happy 2012 by the way.

There are many things in my life that has changed since my last post to this.

There are a few things that I have learned in this process of recovery.

1. People and things DO change overnight.

one second you might be good friends and strangers the next.

2. Not everyone is grateful.

I know that. I just had to try.
3. Doing your best does not change anything if the person that you're trynna help is not willing to.

And I thought I'd never be tired. Proven wrong.

4. Not to leave anyone out just because they're "different".

Everyone deserves love and care just like you and I.

5. Not to believe in beautiful lies.

Sometimes I love hearing 'em but there's no point if they aint the truth.

I hate to be treated like a fool. Who likes to be lied to anyways?

To many of my new-found friends,

I usually back away when I feel that some of you are becoming too close to me.

I fear falling for someone all over again.

I am sorry that I cannot afford more pain.

and I become mean and sarcastic when I feel insecure about something.

please know that I mean no hurt upon others.

and I went to get a haircut.

(random shit,again)
twice.

 from this

to this for CNY

and finally,

this,

(I do things that I don't usually do when I get emo)

vain shit.

Lol.

so yeahhh I think that's all for now.

Take care everyone.

Loves.