Confessions Of A Murderer


Yes I did.I killed him.I saw him walking along with that girl. The girl whom he left me for. Anger bottled up in me and I followed them silently. Finally,he walked her home. I was still calm until I saw them kissing at the gate. The volcano in me errupted. I went to buy a knife. Later at night, I knocked on his door. He opened the door and invited me in. I held his hand and I told him that I've always loved him and the feeling has never changed since the day I told him that I love him about a year ago. He told me that he has already fallen for another and he didnt wanna hurt her. What about me?! There was a moment of awkward silence between us. I asked for one last hug before I leave. We hugged. I feel like we never want to let go. We were so close that I can hear his heartbeat. That was when I stabbed his heart. "Jess.....why.....?" and he collapsed. I held his body close to me. But his heart was no longer beating. "Because I love you....." I murmured.
I once told him that he was the reason for me to be strong. He was my definition of love, my reason to breathe.....My world shattered when he left. I cannot afford to lose him. I could no longer take the pain of seeing him and the other girl. So I've decided to make him mine forever.
I start writing this soon after I killed him. Remember the part where I said he was my reason to breathe?Now that he is no longer here, I will not fend for my life which is no longer worth living. When this is found, both me and my love is already somewhere else together. I will die the same way as he did and I will hold his hand through all. I"ll never let him walk alone. To our family, friends and loved ones,I'm sorry for being self-centered. Someday we will all meet again. Many people out there will say what a fool I've been....but dying is worth when we know that we die for and with the person whom we loved. I gotta stop writing now because I dont want him to wait for too long. Till we meet again.......



Hello friends! I'm here in KL for 3days already.Came on Tuesday. I wrote this story earlier today.Seriously....damn boring lah being here. Sets my mind thinking bad thoughts. How much I wanted to go back to Penang to take my literature paper this Tuesday. No choice. Aunt wants to be here. Sighh.... I have so much more to say but I guess I'm not gonna say it here or now? Certain words for certain people.......Maybe I'll blog again someday if I didnt rot sitting at home...

Went to school today to give some support to my dear mates.......sighh....does anyone know how I feel??? I knew I was gonna cry when I reached the school canteen and I saw Ngee May and Sharon waiting for me at our usual table..... I smiled at them and said I gotta go get some food...but I burst out when Grace gave me a massive hug....I went along with them when they were on their way up to the hall....but as I'm not takin the exam I was not allowed to enter the hall of course...they were asked to queue by classes; 5sc1,5sc2,5Maju(accounts) and 5Jaya(seni)..... I stood there with our form teachers and principal....and when its time to go in, I wished them all the best as they walk by....5Maju....my mates...I love them all....I'm missing them already....I am going back to the school....without them....friends walking by gave me the grave smile.....and after the last person went into the hall, I made my way to APD room to be with the form3s....we watched a movie but I dont know what the title was...I was sailing away with my feelings...

After recess I met Syu and Alyssa(two cheeky form2 juniors) and we went up to 4sci to find Aysha and the gang....then we played "Truth or Dare".....everyone chose Truth until Alyssa decided that we all have to take Dare for the next round....cant remember the order but Alyssa's dare was to kiss Samantha on the cheek....Syu's was to tell Raphaella "I love you"....Aysha's was to seduce one of the juniors sitting at the corridor(brilliant idea by none other than Melissa Tan =P)and mine was to do a sexy dance at the corridor under the watchful eyes of the form1 juniors and CCTVs.....Emelia took a video of our dares weihh! This Aysha asked me to do "sick" stuffs....mempersiasuikan nia really....
Then Miss Yeoh came and told us tht the principal was watching us so Syu,Ally and I went off and it was 12pm at that time which means my friends have finished their Sejarah paper 1. So I went to meet up with Ngee May and Sharon and hang around the school till 2.
After they left for BM paper 1, I stayed in school waiting for my sis-in-law to pick me up and she came at 3.57pm!

Ngee May and I planned to watch 2012 this friday after EST papers coz we dont have much time left....Friday is the last day of school and I'm goin to KL this tues or wed.Will only come back after Christmas I guess?And I wont see Ngee May tht often when I get back coz I have to go to school and the worst thing is both Gaya and Ngee May has got to go for National Service....what sort of next year am I gonna go through?? Cant imagine......

Well that's all for today......Friends who are taking SPM and STPM I hope for all the best and may God bless y'all always.....

hello ppl! hows eveyone and everything??I hope everyone's good and everything's fine.....first things first......I didnt have my eye operation on the 24th of september......I just had laser....it seems tht laser didnt help much and my right eye keeps bleeding so I went to University Malaya Specialist Centre (UMSC) to have the operation on the 13th of October..and bla bla bla...and when I got back to Penang the doctor told me that I wont be able to take SPM examination this year!!!!! sobz! so he gave a letter to the school which says tht Im unable to take exams. I was told to go back for another year of form5 in CPT...sighh.....everyone's moving on without me!! I've been really sad since my friends are all gonna leave the school.....although I have MC's but I still go to school these few weeks to spend time with my fellow classmates.....sigh..I started missing them already!to think that I have to spend another year in school without them!But we had a fun graduation day anyways.....

As for my health....I dont knw how should I put it.....smth is bound to happen if I still couldnt be bothered about my life...not like Im a lil more concerned anyway......what is life about??I know that mine is hopeless...meaningless...what else??I dont know......
And here..... I wrote another poem yesterday and credits to Matt and Tinee for Ideas tht they've contributed...title "sponsored" by Gaya....



Dark Reality

As blood runs black,
surroundings turn dark,
The beast howls on,
a long,lonely bark.
Skies turn grey,
We all die white
what silents during the day
rises and rule the nights,
by the beam of the moon
and blessings of the candlelight.
Dreams and fantasies turn to dust,
as men got carried away by love,lies and lust.
Time sweeps us by the feet,
as many struggles to make ends meet.
People and feelings turn numb and cold,
when you're broken,it grabs your soul.
It feel like no one would come to your aid,
when you look into the mirror
your reflection seems to fade
as darkness takes over all.

Usually I dont write these type of poems...but whatever lah...I follow my heart as I write...I dont think I have anythin else to say...Im gonna get lost now....but before I go....did anyone miss me??
=( take care

"Where Got Ghost?" and "Tsunami at Haeundae"

I went out with Ngee May earlier on...our main objective is to watch "Where got Ghost?"but we ended up watching the tsunami movie also aft the first movie coz the first movie ended at 6pm and we still have time...




"Where got Ghost" is a funny-and-scary movie...it makes us laughed like hell at certain parts but when its scary,its scaaaaryyy.....lol...I spend my time watching it with my eyes closed...and theres one scary part where Ngee May and I screamed! then we realized that only both of us were screaming at tht time...this movie ended with a touching scene...something like a part of the other Spore movie "Money No Enough"...but this time the mother came back to save her beloved sons....


as for the tsunami movie,it started off boring and funny at some parts.....but when the earthquake hits them and tsunami washes them away...there were many touching scenes which leaves May and I crying like shit nonsense.....its a nice movie...makes me realize how much I loved everyone around me....the part where the hero and heroine hang on tight to survive for each other is just so ugh!you knw?and the part where another hero gave up his life to save his beloved and also another person who can be considered as his rival in love......those scenes made me cry worst....how they hang on and how they sacrifice makes me think of this..what if another tsunami were to hit Penang and the whole Penang Island drowns with hundreds of thousands of people???(tht many?idk lah)I'll never die with the person whom I loved....


I gotta keep this short....hardly see whatever tht I'm typing....anyways I got a haircut before I went to prangin today and my long hair is only left with shoulder-length....hmmm....I gotta go....
I MISS YOU all =/

hello....good morning ppl...still sleeping heh?im supposed to be...but I woke up at 3.54am this morning after havin another dream...I heard dad's alarm ring but I ignored it anyway....I looked at my phone and theres a few unread messages so I ma reply la...lema baru realize no credit liao...cannot reply..so I try to get back to sleep but I cant...aft a while I heard my front door being opened so I went outta the room and I saw dad...he cant go to work today....so I washed my face and all....and online lor...so sien nia...no one to chat with...going off to read history soon...probably I will fall asleep soon after that eyyhh??hmmm......keep thinking alotta nonsense nowadays...Idk la what I wanna do.... =(



with me~sum41

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go



its a nice song...do listen to it..

I went to get my new specs last friday..and it turns out that I have burst blood vessels in my eyes....so I went to the hospital but at tht time no eye doctor liao...so the normal doc asked me to go back to the hospital on tues which is today aft my exams....I went with Gaya and her mum and the doctor said "I think its nothing serious"(or smth lidat coz I forgotten)and he asks me to go back in a month...I was kinda pissed coz I can hardly see what I'm writing in the exam hall and God knows what will happen in a month....for now I havent need the laser surgery coz he didnt actually check them thoroughly...yet...I hope I dont need it lahh...my eye kinda hurt now.... as Melody says,I come online to find comfort,but sometimes its just not that comforting...you know what I mean???its like.....seeing a person whom u want to talk to soooooo much....whom u miss...and stuff like that..but all u can do is to sit and stare and cry....and chilled down after a while...and then begin bursting into tears again......im not gonna put any smileys here,coz Im not happy and I wont pretend that I am...anymore.....for many many nights I cry myself to sleep....and this is where nightmares comes in handy...sweet dreams hurts more than nightmares...coz when I'm happy I will wake up to find it just a dream...at least if I have nightmares I'll be glad when its over....but sweet dreams haunts me forever....how many times do I have to wake up and yell "its just a FUCKING dream!!!!!"????I'm not sure.....

Hello people....how's everyone?I hope everyone's okay lah..Here is a short poem that I've written earlier on...



It's been raining
and the wind is ferociously blowing,
The leaves were wet,they seem to be crying,
How glad to know that nature understands my feelings.
Then I look up at the dark,gloomy sky.
I looked and I looked and I wonder why,
Where is the sky that was once blue?
Are they feeling sad,just like I do??
Somewhere in the distance,
Someone is happily laughing in spite of the rain,
I stood there longer,
hoping that the rain will wash away my pain.

obviously the rain didnt....but it kinda makes me feel better...Anyways I wanna write about this cute lil boy whom I discovered last friday.His name is Liu Han Wei..or smth lidat lah..I remember its Liu Han something... I went to the "ge tai" place which is a performing place in accordance to the chinese 7th lunar month...first night was boring lah..just two chicks singing nia..He came for the second night.Ｉwas somewhere running around with kids when his voice caught my heart. So I went over and took videos of him singing. The first song he sang was "Ni Shi Wo De Yan"(you are my eyes)




His voice and the song put tears in my eyes.


second song is a hokkien song but I dont knw wat song it is and im not interested anyway so lets move on to the third song, "Ai Ni De Zhi You Yi Ge Wo"(I'm The Only One Who Loves You)



Fourth song is JJ Lin's song I think...Idk the title. But I saw this uncle shaking his butt and I took that too!watch this!



After this he sang "Beat It" by Michael Jackson and I almost became his dancer when I think of those times The Phantom perform on stage...but I didnt lah...he's paid to sing..later I spoil his lil "concert" nia...




I dont knw what you think but I think that this kid is cool!looks like a lil chinese version of MJ.He sang another mandarin song after that but I didnt take vids anymore.Aunt said they pay RM100 for him to sing two songs which is RM50 per song and the money goes to dunno what fund.Imagine how much money he will get if he sings more.Hmmm...that's all lah...sighh...have to go to the hospital tomorrow...then counselling,counselling and MORE counselling! ugh!dont like lah coz those counsellors like so kay poh lidat...but have to lah...my depression will slowly eat me up if I dont....honestly....I feel so sad now....who knows?only me...well I guess now y'all oso knw d lah...Take care ppl...